Friday, 14 October 2011

7 Changes

So I passed the first year, hurrah. Do I have any regrets...I would be lying if I said no. What did I do? I did the all the work, I interacted with students and tutors and presented myself in a positive hard working way. Or did I? My thoughts on first year, yes I did the work but that's all. I never went over the top or exerted myself to do more work and improve, I did all the coursework qualifying me for another year but I don’t believe I did any personal work. To be honest the only thing I did extra for was the blogs because I like to vent my frustration to the unaware public or M. Night Shaymalan. Reflecting on it now I am not ashamed but disappointed is probably the best way to describe it. I pay all this money to come over here to a new country, new course and a new life but what am it seems like I'm wasting that money. 

1, Do personal work
oh god no

I finished the course last year with confidence that I had went where my brothers and sisters haven't. Being the youngest from a large family is daunting but I'm the first one to go to university and I'm praised for it. God get my dad a whiskey or three and he's nantering on about how he's proud. So this leads to expectations. I have so much to live up to that it's hard to take in sometimes and I feel claustrophobic and weighted down from the pressure. But hey I'm already on a pedestal in my family’s eyes but the higher the pedestal climbs the more unstable and more likely it is I will fail. But what can I do...first stop nagging and get better is what I say.

2, Reduce negativity and increase productivity

Personally I don't even think I got to know my classmates. I'm a loner I guess always have been and in that sense I sometimes find it hard to connect to people. But that doesn’t explain how I can talk for four hours in front of interviewee and tell them about the course. I think the difference is I have to talk about myself in order to connect to someone and with the interviews I just have to talk about the course and how I got here. The thing is when I first started dating Sai she was curious about things about me, you know the usual what food do you like? What's your favourite band?...etc. But I couldn't answer her, I just said I dunno. Why didn't I know, well because I was never asked those things before. Friendship to me was sitting and listening to others problems, it was never about me or what I liked so I never had to think about it. Once faced with the question I found it a struggle to formulate an answer. I have gotten better over the years I've spent with Sai. My favourite food is pancakes, my favourite band changes but at the minute it's 009 sound system.

3, Be more open and make more of an effort to befriend my peers

I also remember getting assessed by you mike and in which you want me to reflect more on my blogs, you want to get to know me. Faced with the problem above I will try to let you into my life and views as a Irish country boy. Anyway I am getting of track from reflecting on the previous year. Facebook, good component to use to critique each other but I neglected to do so. Why? Because I feel as if I don't deserve to crit people who are better than me. Who am I to say that the perspective is wrong in an art piece when I can't get it right? It's all about I understand that it's wrong, I am training my eye to see these mistakes and so;

4, Reflect and crit more

One thing I will promise myself for the summer and the second year is to draw everyday” pffff did I ever, I did try but I got distracted. It's weird to see all the things I said I would do in my reflection blog. Shows how delusional I was, so in saying about these seven changes, are they also delusional? Probably but I will try my best to uphold a good work ethic and keep improving and also ask for help when I need it. I keep to myself and don't like to ask for help because that would hinder someone else, but again stuck in old ways won't help me improve.

5, Ask for help when help is needed

So my aspirations for this year, really it is to focus on 3D because its a high probability that I will get into the industry as a modeller and not a 2D artist and as I've said before I want to get better at art more for my own benefit, if I get a job out of it great but I don't expect to at my current level. So lots of 3D practice this year, I've even set up evenings in which to practice and research texturing because it's something I struggle with.

6, Get better at all aspects of 3D even Zbrush

I only wish I was this good

So six down one to go, I feel like I'm a long winded movie that makes no sense till the end. So what will the last thing be? I am more work driven at the moment so I hope I continue this work ethic throughout the year.

7, Past the second year, simple...right?